Luahan perasaan

Assalamualaikum

Dah bersawang dh blog aku ni.. Tiba2 aku decided nk jd kn blog ni as blog luah perasaan pulak..

Lately ni banyak betul dugaan Allah bagi.. Dugaan perasaan to be precise..

Ye, Allah bagi dugaan sebab Allah sayang.. Tapi, sekuat mana pun aku, aku tetap tersungkur gk..

Pendam perasaan sejak 4tahun yg dulu.. Pernah lost contact sekejap, tiba2 dia contact aku semula..

Masa lost contact tu aku banyak kali mimpi dia, and mimpi yg paling aku risau dia contact semula just utk bgtau yg dia nak kawin..

Apa yg aku risau kn selamat ni benar2 jd kenyataan bilamana dia mmg contact aku, we spent much thru phone which is thru wassup.. Ada lah dlm 3 or 4 kali hang out..dia bnyak kali ajak keluar tp aku keep on saying that im busy..

Sampai satu tahap, dia wassup dia ckp "awak, saya nak tunang..doakan saya ye.."

Me was just like seriously u wanna get engage? With whom? He replied with puteri gunung.. I thought he was just joking coz that time each wassup mmg x serious langsung..

And ada skali kitorg keluar pegi mall..we spent time whole day..he never make me feel bored from the beginning I knew him.. Lots of laugh and advices given..yelah, org tua2 kata klu suka suma indah, suma terima..tp hes so different dr lelaki2 yg pernah aku kenal..dia lh lelaki yg aku cri selama ni.. In fact, my whole fmly knew him.. He gave hope..false hope actually..or most probably I did put too much hope on him which he dont like me at all..tp mmg dia bg hope, ayt manis je..on the day yg kitorg last pg mall, dia still giving hope..

Tp, tulah.. Nak dipendek kan cerita hari tu juga he admit that he will get engage on 3rd september 2016.. Marriage date on march 2017.. Luruh hati..everything spoiled!

And today, we went out again but this time with his housemate attending one of his housemate wedding in ipoh.. Before pefi wedding, he ask me to come early and having breakfast with them.. And of course I follow what he ordered.. Im being so stupid actually.. You know that he is someone's fiance but still hope that it wont happened.. Still thinking it was just joke,want to teas me.. But it is real.. Hes really engage with his fiancee.. He told me his wedding date on 9th April 2017.. Allahuakbar.. The news has spoiled my mood whole day.. I cant control my feelings.. I cant control my face expression..I even didnt talk much after I knew the date..

Went to wedding and end with 2hours of karaoke cannot change my mood.. Bidalan melayu kata "makan tak xkenyang,tidur xlena" utk org yg happy.. Tp aku guna peribahasa tu utk menggambar kan pedih nye hati ni.. Mkn kt wedding pn xrasa kenyang.. Karok 2jam pn xrasa lepas walaupun kau nyanyi lagu yg kau selalu bawa yg terpekik terlolong..

Balik wedding pegi seri iskandar..dalam kereta, memang aku,xdpt tahan perasaan..I have to cry.. Have to no matter what.. You have no place to tell ur problem..thats just the best way.. Xpelh, Allah knows better..

Aku xblh kata aku redha..aku xblh kata aku tenang or whatsoever.. Im totally not ok.. 4tahun simpan perasaan akhirnya dia jd milik org..

My  friend said, xpa hang xdpt dia..hang akn dpt/cari org yg sama mcm dia.. Kite serah saja pd Allah..

P/s: awak, moga awak bahagia.. Saya undur diri xnk ganggu perasaan tunang awak sebab saya tau mcm mana sakit nye hati perempuan bila lelaki layan perempuan lain..